It's 13 years today that you left us. Sometimes it seems like that was a lifetime ago, and sometimes it seems just like yesterday.
A lot has happened in those years, but I know you've seen it all. I remember you saying that you weren't afraid of what would happen if you died, because you knew where you were going. You only said that in passing once, but it's brought me comfort more times than I can count.
Wes misses you too, although he doesn't talk about it as much as I do. Steven is completely lost without you. I wish he could find strength from your memory like we do, and someday maybe he will.
And Dad, with all his many faults, loved you very much, and when you died, it broke his heart. Sometimes he's still hard to take, but your death made him realize that he doesn't get unlimited chances with everyone. Believe it or not, he visits me every day every time I'm in the hospital. Yeah, I know, it still shocks me, too.
I wish you'd been able to meet Jackie, because, after some of the really bad people I dated, you'd have really liked him. He reminds me a lot of you sometimes: a really sweet person who'd do anything for someone, even if maybe they don't deserve it. And he takes really good care of me, and I know you worried about that.
This Christmas has been kinda rough for me, but I'm doing the best I can. You always said that doing your best is what matters, so I hope you know I try.
Most of all, I hope you know how much we loved you and still love you. You may not be here physically, but spiritually you are a presence in our lives every day. I'm so glad you are my mother.