Dear Mom,

It's 13 years today that you left us. Sometimes it seems like that was a lifetime ago, and sometimes it seems just like yesterday.

A lot has happened in those years, but I know you've seen it all. I remember you saying that you weren't afraid of what would happen if you died, because you knew where you were going. You only said that in passing once, but it's brought me comfort more times than I can count.

Wes misses you too, although he doesn't talk about it as much as I do. Steven is completely lost without you. I wish he could find strength from your memory like we do, and someday maybe he will.

And Dad, with all his many faults, loved you very much, and when you died, it broke his heart. Sometimes he's still hard to take, but your death made him realize that he doesn't get unlimited chances with everyone. Believe it or not, he visits me every day every time I'm in the hospital. Yeah, I know, it still shocks me, too.

I wish you'd been able to meet Jackie, because, after some of the really bad people I dated, you'd have really liked him. He reminds me a lot of you sometimes: a really sweet person who'd do anything for someone, even if maybe they don't deserve it. And he takes really good care of me, and I know you worried about that.

This Christmas has been kinda rough for me, but I'm doing the best I can. You always said that doing your best is what matters, so I hope you know I try.

Most of all, I hope you know how much we loved you and still love you. You may not be here physically, but spiritually you are a presence in our lives every day. I'm so glad you are my mother.

Love,
Kerry

Comments

[deb]

Kerry...I know this is a tough time for you. You've written a beautiful and poignant letter...thank you for sharing it with us. Merry Christmas, my friend...you'll be in my thoughts and prayers :)

[poopie]

Lovely letter Kerry. I'll be thinking of you. ^j^

[TW]

Hang in there Kerry. Holidays are odd without my dad, especially since my parents anniversary is 12/21 and he died suddenly right after new years 9 years ago. Hard, but more than that just weird. Maybe just because we have the constant reminders that they aren't around that we don't have on a daily basis?

[Gina]

Hugs to you Kerry. ((hug))

[Lori and Pugsley]

That was a beautiful letter, hugs to you and Merry Christmas!

[FTS]

I had to read this twice. You put a lump in my throat and made me think of my dad.

I hope you had a good Christmas in spit of the longing for her. :)

[Bone]

Beautiful.

Sometimes I like to go to the cemetery and talk to my grandma. It makes me sad, but makes me feel better all at the same time.

[zoots mom]

What a beautiful letter Kerry. Best to you and your family especially this time of year.

[Southie]

Thinking of you, Kerry!

[Zoot]

That was beautiful, Kerry. I'm sorry your holidays will always be spattered with a bit of sadness for your Mom...I hope the happy outweighed the sad this year.

[FTS]

Just stopping by to wish you and yours a safe and happy New Year! :)

[Kyle]

Hi. Haven't been surfing blogs much lately. Just now going through my list and saw what you wrote. No doubt you loved your mother very much. Wish you the best in 2006.

Kyle

[deb]

Hi Kerry! Thinking of you and wondering if you're okay. Let us hear from you!

[Kerry]

That's a nice letter... sorry about your mom.

[Gina]

Kerry, it's been a long time since you last posted on your blog. Are you okay? :)